Woops!

Why is Facebook showing on my home page an ad for pee-proof pants that obviate the need for chemically doctored panti-liners? I know these ads are tailored to the individual, but why do they think I leak when I "cough, jump or hoola-hoop"? As the Queen so memorably said in a conversation with Prince Harry re the Invictus Games and the Obamas, Oh really!

I was trying to fit strong magnets onto the larder door to stop Hugo getting in and stealing food when the phone rang and it was my neighbour Sarah. "Where are you?" she asked, and I remembered with a sudden lurch that I was meant to be at a drinks party at her house. It was 7pm, and I was already half an hour late. "Shall I just come as I am?" I asked, and I dropped everything and dashed across the lane. What a lovely evening it turned out to be, such a jolly time. David and I stayed on after most people left, at Sarah's request, and it was late before I got home. The two of us stood outside looking at the sky, the stars so bright and clear you felt you could touch them. "God I love living here," I said passionately, only partly because of the drink. "Don't you?" "Well," he said, but he didn't finish. Hah! I'll get to the bottom of that next time we meet. I love a juicy story.

Hugo must have been discombobulated by my sudden disappearance, and he was overjoyed to see me return. Like the good boy he is he popped out straight away and did what he had to do. He didn't find it so easy last night. Before I went to bed I performed the final oiling of the new oak worktops, and because the smell is so awful I took the dog up to bed with me. I put in earplugs, because he was having a long sloppy licking session when I was ready for sleep, but even with this diminished hearing I was still aware of a disturbance. Putting on the light I saw him trying to make a bed out of two pillows on the floor. They are waiting to go on a Xmas guest bed, and he must have liked the look of them. "Go back to bed," I told him, and he did. A few hours later I woke again, and he was standing by the door. I took him downstairs, and he shot out into the garden. Poor little fellow must have been bursting for ages. The day had been horribly wet and he hadn't had proper walks, so he had obviously got a bit behind with his programme. After that there wasn't a peep out of him until I got up at 7am when he tried to get up and greet me but had got all tangled up in his makeshift red woolly pyjamas. Dearest creature.