Screw That

I'm not sure who gets the last laugh here, Twinings or me. Yesterday I spent £2.99 on 40 teabags (they don't do 80s in the Co-op) and today I bought 8 packets of 80s in Waitrose (they do everything in Waitrose) for £3 each, reduced fom £4.99. I know, boring, boring, boring, but I've been waiting impatiently for this large reduction. I was just out by one day. I haven't got everything wrong lately. When I arrived at work this morning there was a poem waiting for me, written in my honour by a grateful client who extolled my virtues in no uncertain terms; and a note that another happy customer had phoned to say that he had been reimbursed to the tune of several thousands of pounds thanks to my intervention, and he thought I was wonderful. Thanks guys. It could not be more of a pleasure.

I took my lawnmower blade into the workshop of the father of the two nice boys who have a) ground out the old hazel tree in my garden (good Lee) and b) still not told me when he is coming to cut back my hedge (naughty Shaun). He services mowers, and he took one look at my blade and said "That's an old 'un then!". It's new, I told him, just over two years old. "Then that's an odd'un, never seen the like before cos, see the two blade bits? They're pointing the wrong way." I stared, and he stared and scratched his head. And his little terrier stared and scratched itself. Earlier it had leapt onto the top of a large ride-on behind me and tickled the back of my neck with a warm wet tongue and a few chin whiskers, making me jump sky high. "Thought your luck had changed then," he laughed as he pulled the dog down. Cheek! Doesn't he know about my poet? Anyway, we did some more staring and chuntering, and he explained why the blades couldn't work properly. A factory mistake. He showed me several others he had lying around, all pointing the opposite way, and outlined the science behind this system of lawn cutting. He was very convincing so I let him reverse the cutting edges. I can't wait for the weather to warm up a bit now so I can try it out.

"Don't forget to tighten it up properly," he told me as I was leaving. He only wanted £2 for the work, and as I handed it to him I said I had a good spanner and would attach it well. But lovely man that he is, he looked at me doubtfully. I might have felt affronted, but I can only assume that Lee and Shaun's mum isn't all that handy with the tool box.