No Return

I made a huge mistake yesterday, and God! did I pay for it. I went to see The Revenant. I did this because I love survival stories, and this sounded like the ultimate in the genre. It started well, with lots of scenic shots and mad scrambles for safety while arrows flew all round. Next came the bear attack, so realistic and horrifying I can't imagine how they filmed it. Then it all started to unravel very quickly. Leonardo di Caprio may well get an Oscar for his part, but it will be for grunting louder than the grizzly that tossed him around like a handkerchief, and for gritting his teeth. Yes he was torn to pieces and left for dead and yet managed to find his way back to the fort AND get the man who killed his son. But he did it for well over two hours while I worried about my parking ticket not being adequate. "Hurry up," I kept hissing. I was bored, I was irritated, I ached with tiredness. My ordeal was worse than his because I couldn't escape without disturbing everyone in the row, and I couldn't quite bring myself to do that. The lauded scenic shots became samey, camera pointing up at huge sequoias every few minutes. Even I could have done that. Oh the relief when it ended three and a quarter hours after I entered the cinema. And that was another mistake. I had never been to Woodbridge cinema, but recently made the discovery that the town is the same distance from me as Aldeburgh. As this was the only place with a Monday afternoon showing I thought I'd try it. Never again. The place was heaving with retired couples revelling in their togetherness and their freedom to do this crazy thing in the middle of the day, and large noisy groups of women friends. All of that would have been bearable had the seating been OK, but the chairs were baggy and there was no tiering. No tiering! Oh Aldeburgh, what a paradise you are by comparison. And you have fish and chips.