Away With the Birds

It's 10.30pm in the middle of nowhere and it might as well be Piccadilly Circus. Combines with arc lights are ploughing the wheat fields around me, and tractors and lorries are taking the grain across the lane to the barns behind Sarah's house to store. How clever of her to have chosen this weekend to go away! It'll be earplugs for me tonight if they haven't stopped soon. But how wonderful that the day has been hot and dry and the harvest will be brought safely in. The forecast after about 4pm tomorrow is for thunderstorms and maybe tornados. No wonder they are working so late. But how jarring the constant revving of powerful engines and reversing of big wheels on gravel are.

I read in the parish newsletter that a little owl had been trapped in the church and they'd had to leave the doors open for two nights until it made its escape. In the same newsletter Patrick had also written that an intruder had left little messages all over the church, on the pulpit, and the altar, the christening font and the pews. "Who do you think the grafitti artist was?" I asked him over dinner recently. He looked puzzled, and then said: "An owl took up residence for a few nights before we persuaded it to leave." I know, I responded patiently, but who do you think the vandal was? And he looked at me even more patiently and smiled kindly, and said, "There was an owl in the church Denise." And still I persisted, wondering why he was being so uncharacteristically thick. "Denise, it was the owl. The owl left little messages everywhere." And the penny finally dropped, and I wondered how I could have believed that two intruders, an owl and a human, had both entered the church and been destructive at the same time. Coincidence or what! No. Duh.

I've decided to apply to become an adviser with the Citizen's Advice Bureau, and have been sent the application forms. I know the manager of the local branch who often goes to the same concerts and operas as me, always alone. But despite our connection I'm concerned that she may not accept me for training. As can be seen from the above, I'm clearly not very bright.